sunday scribblings

This weeks prompt:  Who else might I have been?

(photo borrowed from: andtake5.com)

From a very early age, all I can remember is drama in my home.  When I look back now, I know my mother most likely needed to be medicated by a doctor, rather than self medicating.  If I began to tell you thing things she did to us kids, more mentally and non physically, you'd laugh your asses of.  In retrospect, it is quite funny.  In my quiet time, I go back and think, then rethink some more on how I could be different today if I had had a different mom.

For one, I wouldn't have a weight problem.  I wouldn't be the worrisome person I've become.  I wouldn't over analyze things to the point where they cannot be analyzed anymore.

Those are just some examples.  I cannot place all the blame on my mother, but I can say that she played a big part in the development of my self esteem as a child and a teenager.  There are things I've learned from her.. good things.  There are also things I have chosen to lock away forever and pray my parenting skills are far, far, far different than hers were.

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I also would have loved to be a hippie.  I had a friend, who still is a friend, but living in California who was/is a Deadhead (a groupie who followed The Grateful Dead around from concert to concert).  I would have loved to lived that carefree lifestyle, no worries, free love, good drugs, lot's of sex, etc.  That is so totally not me, but I often think how that lifestyle could have been fun.. for a while.

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I would have loved to have a secret profession like a CIA Agent.  I love being in on things and this would have been so perfect.  But I could imagine the lifestyle must be hard on the families, so no, I don't rank it high on my list of what I could have been.

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One thing I am that I'd never thought I'd be is a mom.  Oh, I thought about kids but never discussed having them with Z.  Angie was a good surprise, one that I love and cherish each day. 

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I wonder what it would be like to live in another country, like France.  Would I be obsessed with all things French if I lived there?  Would life really be slower and more enjoyable?  Why are things so fast paced here?  Snap, snap - get it done, where is the enjoyment?  I would have loved to live in a place that isn't so demanding.

Comments

[Miandmiksmom]

That's great that you took your childhood experience and made something better for you and your child.

[Paris Parfait]

Bella, I think most of Western Europe is slower-paced than the US. Stresses, yes, but not constant in-your-face must do something now attitudes - which is refreshing I, too have made a conscious effort to parent differently than I was. Thanks for sharing your stories.

[Toryssa]

I love the idea of living in a more mellow place, a place where people aren't in such. a. hurry. All the time.

Montana is like that.

In exchange though, is everyone knowing your business, no 24 hour stores, no real shopping, not a lot of culture.

[Tammy]

I loved your musings:)

[Becca]

What interesting stories, Bella! I can imagine you as a hippie back in the day, and I can also imagine you living and loving "la vie Francais!"
It's not too late for that one - the hippie life is a little outdated, I'm thinking!

Hope your headache got better...

[kristen]

I liked reading hear what you'd have been, or wonder about......

[Shannon (Sentimental)]

Beautiful path down maybe with you. I loved it.

I too had a tough child hood with tough parents. It is hard to recover and many of my issues today are rooted in that upbringing.

My favorite is hearing you talk about your kiddo. Adorable Momma.

[Melba]

Our parents have such an effect on us...and yet if we like who we are now...can we still be angry with them (well maybe not angry, but wish things were different)?
I did not grow up in an ideal home and my siblings and I have discussed what we would all be like if my father didn't marry our (wicked) step mother. We will never know...

[tina]

You are so beautiful Bella. A wonderful mom and sister. I love you.

[Jessie]

Interesting reflection on growing up with a less than perfect mom. Although my mom IS medicated by a doctor...I sometimes wonder the same thing. Who might I be if I had grown up with a mentally stable mom?

Who knows...maybe her instabilities are exactly how I found stability within myself.