Hello again, loves. I am sipping a hot cup of peppermint tea. There is a heating pad warming my lower back because baby, it's cold outside.
Teal nails. Top, so soft, like second skin. I'm infusing as much color and love into my days, braving the winter blues that never seem to evade me.
The other day I said to Zak "I think I'm severely depressed" knowing full well where my hormone levels were and where I was in the cycle that just keeps on spinning. He looked at me. A smile began to form and I saw love in his eyes. "You already take a pill for that."
Yes. Of course I do. I'm Wintering, which can be confused with/for depression. I'm pushing through the darkness by chasing all the light I can find.
I've forgotten things about myself. Things like the gaze I was always able to hold or how much happier I am with lighter hair. I remember skin on skin, tenderness, and little to no distance. There is so much space in between who I was and who I am, a space I want to crush but how does one crush air or time or silence?
This is what the Winter brings up for me. There's too much time to be alone in the loneliness, and fuck ... so many thoughts to think.
So that is why I turn to color now. That's why my nails are green + I'm going to fix my hair + I'm dreaming of ripe mangoes sprinkled with Jamaican hot pepper + why the smell of coppertone coconut will always be my favorite smell, second only to my girl's baby scent.
And while all of this may sound depressing, I find it to be a fruitful season to purge all the feelings before Spring arrives. It's a season of reverie, musing, decision making, and patience.
It is also a time for purple smoothies that taste like the heavens opened up.
Did you have fun going down my rabbit hole? <-- no kidding, my new spirit guide. Hope you have yourself a fantastic weekend.
All previous curvy girl posts are here and they have something or other to do with my curvaliciousness.
